


You Want What You Want, You Say What You Say

by tinycecropia



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: (i don't know), Alternate Universe - After College/University, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia (implied/past), M/M, cheating (sort of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 20:04:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6822109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinycecropia/pseuds/tinycecropia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chanyeol is a music teacher in Seoul. When Kyungsoo comes home after two years away working as a botanist, Chanyeol thinks they have a chance of getting back together. It’s a bit more complicated than that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Want What You Want, You Say What You Say

Chanyeol considered himself a happy person. At 24 years old he had landed a job as a middle school music teacher, and his days were full of music—perhaps a little pitchy sometimes, but Chanyeol loved talking to his students and (hopefully) helping them adore playing instruments as much as he did. On weekdays he spent his time at the school, or else in transit, and when he returned to his small apartment he usually made himself dinner and spent the night in by himself. On the weekends he would occasionally go out with coworkers but more often he would spend time with his friends from university (at least, the ones who stayed in Seoul after graduation).

Chanyeol considered himself a happy person, but he wouldn’t deny that he had had a rough couple of years after graduating university. Not only was he plagued with typical young-adult worries about his future, but he had also had a pretty awful breakup with his boyfriend, Kyungsoo. When Kyungsoo decided to take an internship opportunity in Gangwon-do right after the breakup Chanyeol couldn’t help but see it as an attempt to run away—from Seoul, from Chanyeol. It was a one year botany internship. Kyungsoo, a biology student who specialized in plant studies, was bound to love it. Chanyeol, still in Seoul and absolutely heartbroken, did not love it, and spent the better part of a year being miserable. It was one thing to lose your boyfriend, but it was especially hard when he was also your closest friend and the two of you no longer communicated.

It was months of icy silence before Chanyeol received the first text message from Kyungsoo since his departure. It was short and simple:

“hey. I’m sorry I haven’t texted you sooner. how are you?”

And Chanyeol was so relieved to finally have proof that Kyungsoo still thought about him that he couldn’t possibly be mad. After a few stilted conversations over text they finally began to warm up to each other again. It was a blessing for Chanyeol, whose life had finally started to look up; soon after, he was offered the position of music teacher at a nearby middle school and was even able to rent his own tiny place.

When Kyungsoo texted their group of friends from university to say he was finally coming home to visit, Chanyeol was incredibly excited. He was practically bouncing off the walls. He finally felt like he and Kyungsoo could be close again—and he did consider Kyungsoo his friend again, seeing as they talked regularly, but it simply couldn’t be the same without seeing Kyungsoo face to face. Chanyeol thought often about reaching a point where he and Kyungsoo could be as comfortable with each other as they were before the breakup. Maybe this visit was his chance.

**

The day that Kyungsoo arrived in Seoul was hot and humid as it ever was in late June. Chanyeol blamed his sweat on the heat rather than his nerves. He had bounced on his feet all through his train ride home trying to disperse the energy built up in his chest (though the man next to him kept glancing at him in annoyance). He hadn’t had time to change, either, and he felt uncomfortable in his work clothes.

Kyungsoo was staying at his parent’s home while he was in Seoul. Two whole weeks. It was the same house he had lived in during university and Chanyeol was familiar with it. Chanyeol had always been on good terms with Kyungsoo’s parents even if they never knew he had dated their son—he asked after them while Kyungsoo was away. Now he stood with them and a mutual friend, Baekhyun, craning their necks to catch a glimpse of anything signalling Kyungsoo’s arrival. The sun cast a golden glow on the street when Kyungsoo’s car pulled into the driveway and he stepped out.

Chanyeol had seen pictures of Kyungsoo on facebook in the two years he had been away, of course, and had noticed that he had bulked up. It was another thing to see Kyungsoo standing in front of him. The thin, small biology student that Chanyeol remembered was gone, and instead Kyungsoo’s jaw had squared out and his torso was muscled. The hair that used to flop into his eyes was shaved at the sides and pushed off his forehead. His wardrobe had changed as well; he used to dress in all black but now he wore a forest green sweater paired with light wash jeans, and rounded tortoiseshell glasses.

He looked older. He looked _amazing_.

Pictures taken of them from when they were dating showed how much Chanyeol had changed as well. Since he had been working out pretty regularly he had gained quite a bit of muscle. He wasn’t lanky anymore. His hair, red the last time he saw Kyungsoo, was cut shorter and back to his natural black. He had swapped out the oversized hoodies and sweatpants for skinny jeans and cardigans. He even stopped wearing his thick-rimmed glasses.

Chanyeol thought the most important change, though, was mental rather than physical. When he had dated Kyungsoo he wasn’t exactly comfortable with his sexuality yet. He hadn’t told his family about Kyungsoo because he was afraid they wouldn’t understand, or worse, they would be actively against the relationship. It had been almost a year now since Chanyeol had come out to them. He was happy to be open about it, and happier still that his family treated him just the same as before. He was truly lucky to have such good people in his life. 

Chanyeol only had a few moments to take everything in before Kyungsoo’s parents rushed forward to gather their son into a hug. Baekhyun was helping Kyungsoo get his bag out of the car and offering to carry it in. Kyungsoo was in the middle of being polite, as usual, and refusing Baekhyun’s offer when he glanced over and saw Chanyeol watching them.

Excitement bubbled up in Chanyeol’s chest and he smiled as big as he could. Kyungsoo smiled back, heart-shaped and genuine. Baekhyun pulled Kyungsoo into a hug.

“Why haven’t you visited more? It’s not _that_ far!” Baekhyun nagged while he was clinging to Kyungsoo, who laughed.

“Because you’re too loud,” Kyungsoo replied. Baekhyun hit his arm playfully. Chanyeol noted that Kyungsoo’s voice had gotten even lower. Baekhyun took his opportunity while Kyungsoo was hugging his mother to grab Kyungsoo’s bag and scurry to through the doors before he could protest.

Which left Chanyeol still lingering silently a few feet away. He certainly didn’t consider himself one to hold back, but he could still vividly remember the last time he hugged Kyungsoo and he couldn’t tell if it was appropriate anymore. Plus, he wanted to impress Kyungsoo’s parents. Kyungsoo made his way to Chanyeol and the two exchanged their first words face-to-face in two years:

“Hey.”

“Hey.” 

And, okay, fuck it. Chanyeol pulled Kyungsoo into a big hug, squishing Kyungsoo’s face into his chest.

“Missed you,” Chanyeol said. Kyungsoo mumbled something into his chest that sounded like “me too.”

**

Baekhyun decided that the best way to celebrate Kyungsoo’s return was to gather everyone together and go to the amusement park. They had always talked about going when they were in school, but somehow it had never happened. The early summer weather had been so nice this year and it seemed like a perfect day out. Chanyeol was particularly looking forward to the chance to spend more time with Kyungsoo (and to eat fried food).

The group spent the day hopping from ride to ride. Baekhyun’s screams were consistently louder than anyone else’s, especially on rides that went upside down. Every time he staggered off of a ride he insisted that he was done for the day, but Sehun always managed to convince him to join them on the next one.

By the evening everyone was too full of deep fried foods to do much of anything. Chanyeol was restless as always in the face of inaction. He dragged Kyungsoo to the ferris wheel, figuring it was the gentlest option, and he bounced his leg impatiently while they waited in line.

The ferris wheel turned out to be the perfect choice. The setting sun bled orange and red across the sky, more and more beautiful the higher their gondola rose. Chanyeol took a deep breath of clear air when they reached the top and he laughed out loud. Kyungsoo stayed quiet until—  


“Ah, aigoo, this is really high.” Kyungsoo’s hands were fidgeting in his lap as he looked out across the view. Chanyeol raised his eyebrows.

“You’re not afraid of heights, are you?” he asked. Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes.

“Shut up, no,” he replied, but the way he was sitting very gingerly on the gondola’s bench said otherwise. Chanyeol grinned.

“Are you sure?” he asked Kyungsoo, intentionally shifting his weight to rock their gondola. Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in panic and his arm shot out to grip Chanyeol’s thigh.

“ _Don’t_ ,” he said, “If you don’t move then it’s fine.” Chanyeol chuckled but decided to be nice, slowly moving to wrap a comforting arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder without jostling them too much. He felt Kyungsoo relax a bit and lean into his shoulder gratefully.

“I never knew you didn’t like heights,” Chanyeol said. He felt rather than saw Kyungsoo shrug against his chest.

“We never went anywhere with heights.”

Of course Chanyeol knew this. He was never ashamed of Kyungsoo at all, he was just worried that if they were public with their relationship it would get back to his parents. Even though he hadn’t _intended_ to hide Kyungsoo away that was exactly what had happened. They had spent most of their time together at home. The mixture of guilt and fear had fermented in him even as Kyungsoo insisted he was okay with keeping their relationship private.

Chanyeol had grown a lot since then and he wanted desperately to prove to Kyungsoo that he was proud to be with him now. He couldn’t find words so he settled for pulling Kyungsoo closer. He hoped that it would communicate, at least a little bit, what he wished he could say out loud.

When the sun did fall below the horizon Chanyeol found himself shivering slightly in the breeze. Kyungsoo touched his arm to get his attention, and when Chanyeol turned towards him he was holding out his jacket. Offering it to Chanyeol. Chanyeol took it gratefully; it fit pretty loose on Kyungsoo which meant it barely fit Chanyeol, but it would do for the night. And it _smelled_ like Kyungsoo. Chanyeol smiled almost involuntarily while the smell triggered all sorts of happy memories.

**

With the end of the school year so close, Chanyeol’s classes were all preparing for their final performances. The majority of his students were diligent with their instruments and very talented. He loved to watch their progress throughout the year, coaching them along the way. He felt the happiest when he recognized in them the same passion for learning that he had always had—that he still had.

Near the end of Chanyeol’s second class of the day there was a small knock on the classroom door. The kids giggled when Chanyeol looked confused, happy to have a small break. When Chanyeol opened the door the students turned to each other and whispered amongst themselves.

“Ah! Class, this is my friend Do Kyungsoo-ssi.” Chanyeol was smiling from ear to ear as Kyungsoo stepped into the room. Kyungsoo bowed low to the class.

“It’s nice to meet you. You sounded lovely.” Many of the students looked proud, but some lowered their eyes in embarrassment.

“Maybe we can convince Kyungsoo-ssi to sing with us some time? He has a beautiful voice.” Chanyeol addressed the class but looked sideways at Kyungsoo with a smile. Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows.

Before the bell signalling the end of class even chimed students began packing up their instruments, most of them rushing as Chanyeol’s class was right before lunch. Chanyeol called out over the room to remind everyone that solo tests were starting this week before they scurried out with the bell. He turned to Kyungsoo with a bright smile.

“It’s nice to see you. You didn’t have to come all the way here.”

“Honestly,” Kyungsoo said returning Chanyeol’s smile, “I was bored at home. When everyone leaves for work I don’t really know what to do with myself.” Chanyeol laughed.

“So you came to _my_ work expecting me to entertain you? I usually work with fourteen year olds, but I’ll do my best. ” He could tell that Kyungsoo was only holding his tongue for the benefit of the students still in the room.

“I brought you lunch,” Kyungsoo said. He held up two packed lunches—homemade. It had been a long time since Chanyeol had tasted Kyungsoo’s cooking. He raised his fists in excitement.

“Ah, yes! We can eat outside. The weather is so nice today.”

The two of them sat on a bench overlooking the sports fields, shaded by a group of large, old pine trees. Their roots had pushed their way out of the ground and snaked across the acidic dirt where grass refused to grow. Kyungsoo insisted on sitting near the trees since they were so beautiful. He ran his fingers over the bark with a soft smile before he sat down; Chanyeol’s heart felt full. While they ate students trickled out onto the fields to use their after-lunch leisure time, and Kyungsoo watched them curiously.

“I haven’t been in a middle school since I was a student,” he commented between mouthfuls of rice as he watched a group of boys kicking a ball around.

“They’re just the same as you remember, only with smartphones,” Chanyeol replied. He nodded to a group on the field. “They play the same games.”

“Have you showed them pictures of yourself in middle school?”

“If you’re _referring_ to the pictures from ferret club, that was elementary school.” Chanyeol turned away from Kyungsoo in mock contempt. Kyungsoo laughed.

“Yeah, because your ferret ran away before middle school.”  
Chanyeol mimed a blow to the chest, his eyebrows scrunched in mock pain, and Kyungsoo laughed even louder.

“You like teaching them,” Kyungsoo observed, glancing again at the children on the field. Chanyeol smiled fondly.

“I do. I love it. The kids are so much fun, and I get to talk about music all day.” Kyungsoo was smiling at him in that way he did, giving his full attention like Chanyeol was the only person that mattered. Chanyeol felt like he might have blushed slightly.

“Did you really mean it, about singing with you guys?” Kyungsoo asked. His hands were restless in his lap. Chanyeol bumped their shoulders together lightly.

“If you don’t want to, that’s okay.”

“I’d rather just sing with you. Like we used to.”

This time, Chanyeol was positive that he blushed.

**

Chanyeol got home after his train ride and shucked off his work clothes, picking out a loose tank top and a pair of shorts instead. He had eaten dinner at the school before he left that night. He cranked the air conditioner up while he fixed a snack for himself—hot chocolate and a spoonful of peanut butter. He had heard that hot drinks were good on hot days, anyway.

With the spoon hanging from his mouth he plunked down onto the couch and tucked his legs under him. His eye caught something on his tiny bookshelf; his old photo album, balanced on the shelf haphazardly. He bounced back up and grabbed it, returning to his spot on the couch.

He cracked the photo album open for the first time in a few years and smiled when the first pages were filled with old pictures and him and Baekhyun as children. He laughed when he flipped the page to see two photos: in the first Chanyeol, about seven years old, proudly held up the fish he had caught on his family camping trip, while Baekhyun made a face of disgust. In the second Chanyeol was the one wearing the disgusted face while his dad gutted the fish, and Baekhyun looked on with a wide grin.

After several pages Chanyeol came to the photos from university. He giggled at photos of him and his friends in their first year, scrawny and awkward. The first picture of Kyungsoo that Chanyeol came across was one taken in first year; Kyungsoo was posed a bit stiff next to Chanyeol, who had long auburn hair and was flashing a peace sign at the camera.

More and more pictures of Chanyeol and Kyungsoo together filled the album after the first one. Silly pictures of them making faces at the camera, more serious pictures from Chanyeol’s recitals, nostalgic pictures from their summer road trips around Korea. Chanyeol lingered on one picture of him pressing a kiss to Kyungsoo’s cheek. He smiled fondly at the memory, his heart humming in his chest. Happy-sad. He didn’t realize his eyes were watering until his vision blurred.

And Chanyeol realized that he had feelings for Kyungsoo. Again. Actually, now that he thought about it, they might have been waiting dormant in him for the entire two years since the breakup and were just now germinating, poking through like the first sprouts of spring.

“Oh, shit.”

**

Chanyeol didn’t know what he was supposed to do with all his muddled feelings. Ideally he would confess to Kyungsoo—but how? He didn’t have a great track record with confessions. Actually, it was Kyungsoo who had asked him out in the first place years ago. They had so much history he didn’t even know where to begin. What Chanyeol was sure of, though, was that he wanted to spend as much time with Kyungsoo as possible, and so he stuck to him like glue.

With the lot of them gathered at Baekhyun’s house they drank and talked. Kyungsoo asked the others about their jobs, their lives. They each took turns re-telling stories from their school days. Since Baekhyun and Chanyeol had known each other the longest they entertained everyone with their most absurd stories until everyone was breathless with laughter. Chanyeol felt especially touchy from the alcohol and remained latched to Kyungsoo’s side with flushed cheeks.

Kyungsoo, for his part, had always had a habit of falling asleep when he drank. Squeezed onto the couch, Kyungsoo nodded off with his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. Chanyeol couldn’t contain his goofy smile at Kyungsoo’s cross-armed sleeping position; it seemed like he was always sturdy, even in sleep. The familiar weight had Chanyeol lost in his memories as he thought of all the times they had fallen asleep pressed together in the past.

So many of Chanyeol’s fondest memories of Kyungsoo involved them tangled up together peacefully. Because of Kyungsoo’s love for film they had spent a considerable amount of time curled on couches under blankets watching something Kyungsoo had picked out. He was especially fond of foreign films. Chanyeol never complained about having to stay focused on the subtitles, because even if he missed something Kyungsoo would always explain to him what had happened.

Baekhyun knocked Chanyeol out of his reveries by giggling and asking if Chanyeol’s arm was numb yet. Truthfully, his left side was begging for him to move, but he wouldn’t dare disturb Kyungsoo when he had finally initiated contact (even if he was sleeping when he did it). Chanyeol laughed quietly with the others and assured them he was fine.

When Chanyeol did jostle Kyungsoo gently awake at the end of the night he received a sleepy and disgruntled look. Chanyeol held his hand over his own mouth so Kyungsoo wouldn’t notice him laughing. Chanyeol felt giddy, warm and intoxicated. 

While Kyungsoo was getting ready to leave Baekhyun pulled Chanyeol aside into the empty kitchen.

“What’s up with you and Kyungsoo?” he asked. Chanyeol smiled sheepishly.

“Nothing,” he replied simply.

“But you want something to happen, right?”

Chanyeol supposed that his silence and the fact that he was still grinning gave him away. Baekhyun bumped his side with a gentle smile.

“Just be careful, yeah? Don’t hurt that big heart of yours.”

**

Kyungsoo insisted that he felt unproductive sitting at home while his parents were at work. He diligently cleaned and even cooked dinner for his mother to heat up later, but by the time he had finished these daily chores it was only early afternoon. Because of his restlessness Kyungsoo started driving to Chanyeol’s school to pick him up after his shifts. Chanyeol politely insisted that Kyungsoo didn’t _need_ to do this, but Kyungsoo was firm (and Chanyeol was pleased).

It was indescribably nice to get off work to find Kyungsoo waiting by his car in the parking lot. He didn’t just drive Chanyeol home, but stayed for the evenings as well. Kyungsoo hummed to himself in the kitchen while he prepared dinner. Chanyeol’s heart swelled at the mock domesticity of it all. He conjured up this image of a near future where he and Kyungsoo really lived together, where he was really allowed to plant a kiss on Kyungsoo’s cheek when he arrived home every day.

But he had decided to take it slow—not so much because of Baekhyun’s concerns about Chanyeol’s own heart, but because Chanyeol didn’t want to hurt Kyungsoo ever again. He had to be certain that Kyungsoo wanted this just as much as he did. He also wanted to prove to Kyungsoo that he had changed since university (for the better). There was, of course, the Big News.

“I came out,” Chanyeol said lightly while they ate dinner. As if it were easy, as if it were inconsequential, conversational. He felt a mix of nerves and pride. Kyungsoo must have remembered how unthinkable coming out used to be to Chanyeol and how many times they had talked about it; he looked a bit surprised at first, but quickly smiled his biggest smile.

“That’s so great, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo said. It was genuine. It made Chanyeol feel validated, in a weird way.

“How did it go?” Kyungsoo prompted.

“Mom and dad were great, actually. So was Yoora. I guess I should have known.”

“There’s no way to know, though. Even people who seem kind...” Kyungsoo trailed off, running his fingers through his hair. Chanyeol’s brow furrowed.

“Did something happen?” he asked.

Kyungsoo looked up at him, smiled and shook his head. “No. I just learned a long time ago that not everybody needs to know everything about me.”

Chanyeol couldn’t help thinking that he’d like to be lucky enough to know everything about Kyungsoo, in the same way his grandparents seemed to know everything about each other. He supposed relationships like that came with time. Just for a moment he imagined what it would be like to grow old with Kyungsoo. Maybe they would still sing together like they did these evenings, Chanyeol strumming along on his acoustic guitar. When Kyungsoo’s voice gave Chanyeol chills he kept it to himself, like a secret.

**

Everyone made their way to Junmyeon’s place to see each other a few days before Kyungsoo left. Kyungsoo offered to drive Chanyeol. The two of them harmonized to the songs on the radio. Chanyeol spent most of the ride working up the courage to hold Kyungsoo’s hand on the center console, but by the time he actually decided to do it they had pulled into Junmyeon’s complex.

With his family being considerably well-off already, and with Junmyeon working hard to get a position at a law firm, it only made sense that his apartment was the nicest within their group of friends. It was sleek, modern, and stylishly decorated (as long as you didn’t peek into Junmyeon’s messy bedroom). Since it was the last day that all of them would be together before Kyungsoo went back to Gangwon-do they spent the evening talking and laughing together.

“You should just stay,” Jongdae whined at Kyungsoo. He smiled, but declined. He had to go back to work—the botanical garden that he had interned for offered him a job straight away when his internship ended last year, and he had research to do.

Chanyeol felt great. He thrived on the energy from the room full of his friends. He felt confident with Kyungsoo, initiating touches all night, and Kyungsoo accepted them all. Chanyeol had been waiting to feel like this for a long time; like everything was right, and like he was exactly where he was meant to be.

“I can’t believe you left your poor plants alone for so long,” Baekhyun joked. Kyungsoo smiled good-naturedly.

“Actually, my boyfriend’s looking after them while I’m gone, staying at my place. I gave him _specific_ instructions. If I get back and any of them are dead, I swear...”

The instant Kyungsoo had said the word “boyfriend” Baekhyun’s eyes had snapped to Chanyeol. Chanyeol felt like he had stepped just outside of himself. He couldn’t get his eyes or his mind to focus. The others, oblivious to anything being wrong, asked about Kyungsoo’s boyfriend. Chanyeol stood up suddenly and walked towards Junmyeon’s bathroom; both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo’s eyes followed him, but he didn’t notice.

Looking at himself in the bathroom mirror, Chanyeol let the full stupid crushing weight of what had just happened settle on his chest. Kyungsoo had a boyfriend. Kyungsoo was dating somebody already, and had not been flirting with Chanyeol for the past two weeks. He could practically feel the hope draining out of him like a tangible fluid. How _stupid_ could he have been? How could he have misunderstood Kyungsoo the entire time? He took several deep, slow breaths. He forced a smile at the mirror, but he couldn’t tell if it was convincing. What choice did he have? He couldn’t leave.

Time moved strangely for the rest of the night. Chanyeol felt unfocused. He tried to keep up with his friends’ conversations but found himself drifting in and out. He was painfully aware that everyone noticed his strange behaviour but he felt helpless to do anything about it. He particularly noticed Kyungsoo shooting him concerned looks from across the room—from across the room because Chanyeol was deliberately avoiding him. Baekhyun moved to sit beside him and held his hand, grounding him. It was a relief that they didn’t need words to understand each other.

At the end of the night Kyungsoo hugged everyone and said his goodbyes, promising to keep in touch better from now on. Chanyeol hovered at the door. Kyungsoo was his ride home, after all.

Kyungsoo made small comments while the two of them were walking to his car but Chanyeol’s short answers seemed to convey the fact that he didn’t want to talk. The drive to Chanyeol’s house was dead silent except for the soft noise of the radio. Chanyeol’s mind was less quiet; it replayed the same thoughts in a loop. Why did he assume? What gave him the right to have hoped in the first place? Well, why didn’t Kyungsoo tell him?

Chanyeol hardly noticed when they pulled into the parking lot of his building because he was lost in his repeated thoughts. Kyungsoo flicked off the radio and cleared his throat.

“What’s wrong? You’re unhappy,” Kyungsoo said quietly. Chanyeol was startled.

“I’m not. It’s nothing,” he replied. Kyungsoo laughed softly. 

“You were never good at pretending you weren’t upset.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you have a boyfriend?” The words burst from Chanyeol’s mouth before he could stop them.

Kyungsoo looked a bit surprised, and then he sighed and furrowed his brows.

“Oh, Chanyeol...” The pity in it was enough to make Chanyeol feel one inch tall. “It never came up, and I didn’t think it mattered. You and I are friends.” Chanyeol scoffed.

“You know we haven’t been acting like friends!” All the disappointment he had kept to himself that night coloured his words. He was gratified to see Kyungsoo looking at least a bit uncomfortable, like he felt at fault somehow. _Good_.

“Yeol, it’s been two years.”

“If you can honestly tell me that you felt _nothing_ recently,” Chanyeol said slowly, “then I’ll humour you here.”

Kyungsoo was quiet for several moments—Chanyeol tried to catch his eye but he was looking at his hands in his lap, fiddling with his fingers. Chanyeol felt like he was grasping at straws trying to come up with the right thing to say. Finally Kyungsoo spoke:

“Yeah, okay. Yes! I did feel something. I do feel something. But isn’t it just...leftover feelings?”

“I don’t think leftover feelings last this long.”

When Kyungsoo cast his eyes down he looked tired, worn out. “I was thinking the same thing.”

Chanyeol couldn’t help the spark of hope in his chest, however faint, knowing that Kyungsoo had feelings for him as well. Before he could say anything, though, Kyungsoo spoke up.

“You were the one who broke up with _me_ , remember?” and there was a note of strain, Chanyeol thought, in Kyungsoo’s voice. “I was so mad at you. I didn’t know what to do, because I didn’t want to forgive you, but I knew you didn’t do it to hurt me.”

“I _didn’t_ , I wanted you to be happy. I thought you couldn’t be happy with me because I couldn’t tell people about you. You deserved better!”

“I know that’s what you thought,” Kyungsoo sighed. “I did forgive you. And I forgave myself for leaving, and I forgave myself for feeling the way I did.”

“It’s different now!” Chanyeol blurted suddenly. “It was...I mean, I was scared. I had so much shit to sort out. I’m not scared anymore.”

Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows; he looked at Chanyeol, really looked at him. Chanyeol smiled back at him tentatively.

“Good to hear, Chanyeol. But just because you’re at peace with yourself you get to come in here and fuck up my life?” Chanyeol’s face fell again. He raised his voice, desperate for Kyungsoo to understand where he was coming from.

“I didn’t know I was fucking anything up! You didn’t _tell_ me!”

Kyungsoo paused. “Okay, you’re right. Sorry. That was...that was just something I had thought to myself,” he said with a dry laugh. “And I hardly knew what I was doing. That’s just always how it’s been with you, right? Just...intimate and comfortable. And easy. It felt cosmic. Like when I’m finally doing well you show up and bring up all this old shit in me.”

The comment surprised Chanyeol. Kyungsoo wasn’t ever the type to believe in destiny—Chanyeol, however, was very much the type. As cheesy as it sounded he did feel like he and Kyungsoo were supposed to be together. He could never pin down a metaphor that suited their relationship; he just knew that being with Kyungsoo felt different from being with anybody else, and that he was left wishing for that feeling whenever Kyungsoo would leave.

“It’s okay to just say how you feel,” Chanyeol whispered. The air that crept in through the window of the car was crisp, carrying stray smells from food stalls down the block. Of course they couldn’t see the stars through all of the city’s lights, but the orange glow of the streetlights was good enough to cut through the dark. They sat in silence for a few moments.

“I like you. Can you just give me a bit of time?” Kyungsoo asked.

Chanyeol sighed in relief.

“Yeah. Just don’t disappear on me.” 

**

Chanyeol could give Kyungsoo time, but it was very difficult to have Kyungsoo in such proximity without slinging an arm around him or pressing into his side. He found himself re-evaluating his every action as soon as Kyungsoo would go home; was he too touchy? Was he overstepping boundaries? How much did it matter? Kyungsoo had already confessed to him. Still, he hadn’t spoken to his boyfriend yet and Chanyeol didn’t want to be responsible for Kyungsoo cheating. It would have been so easy to act on his feelings, but he promised himself he wouldn’t.

Chanyeol decided to use the rest of Kyungsoo’s time in town to talk—just to really talk to him like they hadn’t been able to, with the air cleared.

“How long have you and Minsoo been dating?” Chanyeol asked Kyungsoo, trying to feign disinterest.

“Only two months, but we met at my internship two years ago.”

Chanyeol felt a pang at the mention of Kyungsoo’s internship, feeling, like always, that his breaking up with Kyungsoo had driven him away. He decided to finally ask the questions that had been on his mind all this time.

“Were you happy there? At the internship?”

Kyungsoo smiled, but it was a sad smile. “No. I liked the work, but I was depressed. It was the worst year of my life.”

Chanyeol didn’t know what he could say. He felt so _guilty_.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. Kyungsoo smiled again, and this time it was genuine.

“I appreciate that. I’m okay now, I’m thankful to be okay.” He wasn’t excusing Chanyeol, and Chanyeol didn’t expect to be told he did nothing wrong. He knew full well that he hurt Kyungsoo. He just wanted to do better.

Kyungsoo continued his thought after a pause: “I felt like I had to get away, you know? I needed physical space to get over it. And then you get used to being alone, and being sad, and it’s so easy to blame the distance. It’s like a switch is flipped and suddenly you’ve been gone too long and it’s too late to come back.”

“I’m so glad you came back. I’m proud of you.”

Kyungsoo’s glowing smile was directed at his own hands rather than Chanyeol, but Chanyeol felt the warmth anyway.

“Does he make you happy?” Chanyeol asked cautiously.

Kyungsoo didn’t avoid Chanyeol’s gaze when he answered; he looked right into his eyes. “He does. But he did before we were dating, too. He’s a good friend.”

Chanyeol nodded. He couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy he felt in his chest.

“You make me happy too, Chanyeol. You always made me so happy. I used to wonder if I’d ever feel like that again. And being with Minsoo I thought, ‘it’s nice, but it’s not the same.’”

“I just want you to know that I’ve thought a lot about how I can be more honest and open with you. And in general. It’s a team effort, yeah? I think I was slacking.”

Kyungsoo’s smile crinkled his eyes and scrunched his nose.

The two days before Kyungsoo left seemed to speed by in a flash. The plan they had discussed was simple enough in theory: Kyungsoo would go home and talk to Minsoo, then call Chanyeol and tell him...well, tell him the outcome.

Kyungsoo was scheduled to leave at 11:00 in the morning on Sunday. Chanyeol made the last-minute decision to rush over to his parents’ place, and he met Kyungsoo coming out of the door. Kyungsoo looked surprised to see him.

“I just wanted to say goodbye. In person. Again!” Chanyeol rambled. Kyungsoo laughed. He hugged Chanyeol, strong and warm just like when he first arrived. When they pulled away Chanyeol made the split-second decision to duck his head and kiss Kyungsoo’s cheek, short and simple. Kyungsoo’s brows furrowed in what could have been confusion. Chanyeol imagined that he _should_ feel bad, but he didn’t. Was it selfish?

“I feel like I should apologize...” Chanyeol began.

Kyungsoo took a deep breath. “Maybe you should,” he replied, “but you don’t have to.” The reassurance left Chanyeol with hope spreading all the way to the tips of his fingers.

“Call me,” Chanyeol said.

“I will.”

**

By the time Kyungsoo had left it was mid-July and the school year had ended. With year end grading and responsibilities on top of the entire situation with Kyungsoo, Chanyeol had been acutely stressed out. Once he finished his work for the year he finally had time to relax. In reality this just meant he had more time to think about Kyungsoo.

Waiting for Kyungsoo’s call was almost unbearable. Chanyeol found himself checking his phone every few minutes just in case he missed a call (even though the volume was turned all the way up). He distracted himself for hours at a time by playing video games—when he wasn’t giving one-on-one music lessons, which he offered during the summer break. The kids who came to his lessons were hardworking and sweet. He didn’t want to let them down by being distracted. He tried his best to give them his full attention, but once they left he fell into the same routine of sitting in one place and checking his phone. 

Chanyeol had actually told Baekhyun not to call him, as it kept getting his hopes up every time he heard his phone ring. Baekhyun was having none of it. He barged into Chanyeol’s apartment with his hands full of groceries.

“You’re being ridiculous!” he announced. Chanyeol grimaced as Baekhyun set his bags down in the messy kitchen. “This isn’t healthy, Chanyeol, so you’re gonna turn off your phone and we’re making dinner.” Chanyeol whined when Baekhyun snatched his phone and stashed it in his own pocket.

“It’s just until he calls! I have to know what he decided.”

“You know, you could also call _him_. You have to communicate, Yeol. Like adults.”

Okay, so Chanyeol hadn’t thought of that. He agreed that he would give Kyungsoo a call that night after Baekhyun had left, and in the meantime he put his focus into cleaning up the kitchen while Baekhyun bustled around preparing the vegetables.

Chanyeol was so grateful for Baekhyun. He was fiercely caring and protective of all of his friends, attentive to their feelings. He knew what Chanyeol needed without him having to ask. Chanyeol threw himself into making dinner and really enjoying Baekhyun’s company. By the time Baekhyun left after midnight Chanyeol felt much better (and had a stomach full of bibimbap.) 

Chanyeol had already changed into his pajamas and was in the middle of brushing his teeth when there was a knock on the door. Baekhyun again. Maybe he got halfway down the street and noticed that he had left his phone behind at Chanyeol’s apartment or something. Chanyeol quickly rinsed his mouth of toothpaste and hurried out of the bathroom, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

“I’m coming, hold on!” he said and hoped it was enough to prevent Baekhyun from knocking frantically again. He wasn’t the most patient guy. Chanyeol unlocked and pulled open the door without bothering to check who it was.

Where he expected Baekhyun’s bleached head he saw instead dark hair and thick eyebrows— _Kyungsoo_.

“You didn’t answer your phone,” Kyungsoo said, wide-eyed. “I was calling for hours and I couldn’t wait any longer. Are you okay?”

Of course—Chanyeol hadn’t even checked his phone after Baekhyun relinquished it, too busy getting ready for bed. His heart beat quick as he tried to recover from the surprise of Kyungsoo showing up at his door.

“Yeah, I’m fine, come in!” He stepped aside to let Kyungsoo through, closing the door behind them. “Baekhyun was over and I didn’t check my phone, I’m so sorry.”

“We broke up. I broke up with Minsoo.”

Kyungsoo didn’t mince his words; he never did. Chanyeol’s eyes widened.

“So here I am,” Kyungsoo continued, looking at Chanyeol as if challenging him to make the first move.

So Chanyeol did. He gathered Kyungsoo into a tight hug, lifting him off his feet and twirling him around. He was teary eyed and they were both laughing loud, Kyungsoo digging his fingers into Chanyeol’s shoulders, and Chanyeol felt like he would remember this moment for the rest of his life. When he set Kyungsoo down he noticed that his eyes were also wet, but he was smiling his most beautiful smile.

And then Chanyeol was crying for real, tears streaming down his cheeks and chest heaving. He buried his face in his hands. Every ounce of stress, every ounce of pent up emotion and love he had felt around Kyungsoo crashed down on him all at once. He wanted to tell Kyungsoo that they were happy tears but he couldn’t get the sentence out through the shaky inhales. Kyungsoo rubbed his back soothingly.

After a few moments Kyungsoo gently pulled Chanyeol’s hands away from his face. He wiped Chanyeol’s tears with his thumb and smiled. Chanyeol couldn’t help but smile back, shaky and overwhelmed. Kyungsoo stood on his tiptoes to kiss Chanyeol’s forehead.

“You’ll stay tonight, right?” Chanyeol asked, his voice breaking.

“Of course.”

It wasn’t until they were lying in bed together that Kyungsoo relayed his conversation with Minsoo to Chanyeol. He was sitting up against the headboard wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt borrowed from Chanyeol—of course this meant they were three sizes too big. Chanyeol couldn’t help but laugh when he came out of the bathroom wearing them. 

“He said he kind of knew that I still had feelings for you,” Kyungsoo said. Chanyeol was sitting between Kyungsoo’s legs, resting his head on Kyungsoo’s chest, eyes closed. “I mean, he’s not happy with me,” Kyungsoo continued, “Obviously. I don’t blame him. But we were friends before and we’ll be friends again. He’s...very understanding, and I’m grateful.”

Chanyeol hummed thoughtfully in response.

“Are you jealous?” Kyungsoo asked. Chanyeol could hear the smile in his voice.

“No!” Chanyeol insisted, playfully slapping Kyungsoo’s thigh. Kyungsoo laughed and grabbed Chanyeol’s wrist, holding it away from his torso.

They were both silent for several moments. Chanyeol listened to Kyungsoo’s steady heartbeat.

“I was kind of worried, like maybe I’m just the kind of person who wants to cheat on their partner.”

Chanyeol opened one eye and tried to get a glimpse of Kyungsoo’s face. If this was supposed to be reassuring he had certainly missed the memo. Kyungsoo was carding his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair slowly, calmly, so Chanyeol knew he wasn’t saying it uncarefully. It hurt Chanyeol’s neck too much to look at Kyungsoo’s face in this position anyway, so he let the words wash over him instead when Kyungsoo continued. 

“But that’s not true. I know that it’s not. You know, every time you posted a picture with a guy I came up with things I didn’t like about him—like your heights didn’t match well, or he had no sense of humour. I was always thinking that they didn’t deserve you. And the whole time I didn’t admit that I just wanted to be with you. I always have.”

Chanyeol shifted to sit facing Kyungsoo and kissed him, finally, kissed him properly like he’d wanted to do for weeks. Kyungsoo hummed into the kiss. When Chanyeol paused to take a breath he whispered “Me, too” against Kyungsoo’s lips.

**

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity to kiss Kyungsoo, it was kind of all Chanyeol wanted to do anymore. He loved the way their bodies were adjusting to each other again. They were rediscovering little things that had the other gasping into a kiss or arching up into a touch.

Kyungsoo had weekends off at his job. Since he had rushed back to Seoul on a Friday night he was able to spend the rest of the weekend at Chanyeol’s before he had to go back to work—and they took advantage of the time.

“I thought I wouldn’t get to kiss you like this again,” Kyungsoo said. They were pressed close together on Chanyeol’s couch. Kyungsoo sounded a little dreamy. Chanyeol wouldn’t embarrass him by pointing out that his eyes were wet (at least, not right now); instead he rested their foreheads together and smiled.

“You can kiss me however you want.”

And when Kyungsoo leaned in to Chanyeol again the kiss was all open mouths and heat, and Chanyeol felt lust burning in his stomach. Kyungsoo was pressed close to him but he was just far enough away that Chanyeol automatically bucked his hips up, whining. Kyungsoo pulled away a little, breathing heavy. Chanyeol moved his focus to Kyungsoo’s neck and kissed his way up to his jaw.

“What are you thinking?” Kyungsoo asked quietly. Chanyeol’s answer was immediate.

“Want you to fuck me” Chanyeol breathed humid against Kyungsoo’s neck. “If you want to.”

“I want to.”

Kyungsoo pulled away from Chanyeol and stood up from the couch. Chanyeol almost mourned the loss of his heat, but then Kyungsoo was grabbing his hand and practically dragging him into Chanyeol’s bedroom. Kyungsoo pushed Chanyeol’s shoulders down so he would sit on the edge of the bed and stood between his thighs. Chanyeol cast his eyes up at Kyungsoo eagerly.

Out of the guys Chanyeol had been with after Kyungsoo—a series of casual relationships—none of them had come close to Kyungsoo’s electric presence or the way he could dominate Chanyeol. The contrast between soft, small, nerdy Kyungsoo tending to his plants in a cozy sweater, and Kyungsoo who pins Chanyeol to the bed and calls him “good boy” used to make Chanyeol’s head reel.

Well, Kyungsoo was still a head shorter than Chanyeol (albeit not with Chanyeol sitting on the bed like this), but he wasn’t tiny anymore. His torso and arms were muscled. He could probably roughhouse Chanyeol with more success than he ever used to. Chanyeol’s cheeks flushed bright at the thought—he had always loved the way Kyungsoo could rough him up a bit. Kyungsoo traced Chanyeol’s blush with his thumb and leaned in to mouth at the shell of his ear.

“Arms up,” Kyungsoo whispered directly into Chanyeol’s ear. Chanyeol couldn’t suppress the shiver that went down his spine, but he obeyed and raised his arms. Kyungsoo slowly pulled Chanyeol’s shirt up his torso and over his head, dropping it onto the floor beside the bed, and instructed Chanyeol to lie down comfortably. Chanyeol scrambled back onto the bed and Kyungsoo followed, straddling Chanyeol’s thighs.

“Hey, arms up,” Kyungsoo reminded firmly. Chanyeol quickly brought his hands back over his head and looked at Kyungsoo for approval. Kyungsoo smirked at him, asking “do I have to hold you down?”

Chanyeol moaned breathily when Kyungsoo pinned both his wrists to the bed with one hand.

“Did you think of me?” Kyungsoo asked while he worked to undo Chanyeol’s zipper with his free hand. Chanyeol’s head fell back against the mattress.

“God, yeah, all the time,” he breathed out. Having gotten Chanyeol’s pants open Kyungsoo had abandoned Chanyeol’s wrists in order to pull them down his legs. “I would imagine you fucking me with your fingers,” Chanyeol added.

Kyungsoo hummed, sending goosebumps down Chanyeol’s arms. He tossed Chanyeol’s pants onto the floor. Kyungsoo quickly pulled his own t-shirt over his head and shimmied out of his jeans. Chanyeol strained his neck to watch while still keeping his hands above his head.

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” Chanyeol said. It seemed to surprise Kyungsoo—he looked up at Chanyeol with just his briefs (black like he always wore) and his glasses on, and he smiled brightly. Chanyeol’s heart fluttered.

After rifling around in Chanyeol’s bedside table drawer to find a condom and lube, Kyungsoo moved to straddle Chanyeol’s thighs again. As an afterthought he plucked his glasses off his face and set them on the bedside table.

“Lift your hips,” Kyungsoo ordered. Chanyeol complied. Kyungsoo pulled Chanyeol’s boxer briefs off and dropped them beside his discarded clothes.

“God, look at you. You’re so pretty Chanyeol.” Chanyeol blushed so hard he felt light headed. Kyungsoo began to pepper kisses along Chanyeol’s stomach and thighs. He dropped just a couple open-mouthed kisses on the length of Chanyeol’s cock before his mouth moved further down.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” Chanyeol breathed out when Kyungsoo ran his tongue flat against Chanyeol’s hole. He unconsciously moved his hands to tangle in Kyungsoo’s hair. This time Kyungsoo didn’t scold him. Chanyeol had never done this with anyone but, god, if it didn’t feel good. And he wouldn’t have wanted anyone but Kyungsoo to be the first. Chanyeol chased each of Kyungsoo’s movements, grinding down against his tongue. It took an embarrassingly short time of Kyungsoo pressing his tongue against Chanyeol’s rim before Chanyeol was literally begging.

“Good?” Kyungsoo asked between pressing kisses against Chanyeol’s inner thighs.

“Yeah, please, _please_ ,” and Kyungsoo had the audacity to laugh softly, but it didn’t matter because he was pressing a lubed finger to Chanyeol’s entrance and Chanyeol was eagerly pressing down onto it.

Maybe Kyungsoo would have teased more, danced around Chanyeol’s prostate until he begged, but he must have been as desperate as Chanyeol to finally be pressed together without anything between them. He stretched Chanyeol quickly but carefully, and when Kyungsoo pressed into Chanyeol until they were as close as possible he stopped for a moment to let Chanyeol adjust, kissing down his neck.

“You can touch yourself, baby,” Kyungsoo said gently. Chanyeol moved his hand to slowly stroke himself with a sigh of relief. Kyungsoo kept whispering encouragement, calling Chanyeol beautiful and telling him how good he was being. 

Kyungsoo fucked him slow and deep and perfect. Chanyeol thought he might cry at how _good_ it was, how good Kyungsoo was, how taken care of he felt.

Kyungsoo repositioned Chanyeol so that one of his legs was slung over Kyungsoo’s shoulder. He took a moment to run his fingertips down Chanyeol’s thigh and drop soft kisses on the inside of his knee.

“Your legs are lovely,” Kyungsoo whispered against Chanyeol’s knee just as he thrust into him, and Chanyeol was so overwhelmed with love at that moment that he felt his chest was about to burst.

Chanyeol’s orgasm almost caught him by surprise, pleasure crashing down on him all at once, and he pulled Kyungsoo as close as he could. Kyungsoo’s hips stuttered as he came just a few moments after Chanyeol. His nails dug into Chanyeol’s thighs hard enough to leave lasting marks. Chanyeol would find the muted red lines on his skin the next day while he showered and his heart would jump in his chest—he would send a picture of them to Kyungsoo, already on his way back to Gangwon-do, and laugh when Kyungsoo replied: 

“stop, you’re making me want to turn around and come back”

 

**

Since Kyungsoo had to work every week at the botanical garden and Chanyeol had students throughout the week for music lessons, they adjusted to a semi-long distance relationship. On the weekends they would visit each other. Sometimes Kyungsoo would stay at Chanyeol’s apartment, and sometimes Chanyeol would take the train up to see Kyungsoo and stay there. He was curious to see Kyungsoo’s apartment (it turned out to be minimalistic and covered with potted plants. Chanyeol didn’t know why he had expected anything different). 

Kyungsoo was eager to show Chanyeol around Gangwon-do. He took him to all his favourite places, like the bustling market where he bought fresh ingredients and the trails that wound through the forests. There were even trails around Mount Seoraksan that Chanyeol insisted on hiking. Kyungsoo had to talk him out of the “expert” trails, considering Chanyeol had never hiked before. Chanyeol still buzzed with excitement the entire time. He held Kyungsoo’s hand when they were able to walk side by side and pointed out things that caught his eye. Kyungsoo smiled softly to himself.

In the mornings after Chanyeol stayed over, when Kyungsoo wrapped around him and muttered “I wish you would stay”, Chanyeol’s heart melted. Even when Kyungsoo scrunched his nose and told Chanyeol he smelled bad. He always ended up burrowing further into Chanyeol anyway, complaints about his hygiene disregarded.

During the week they settled for calling each other or even skyping.

“I’m not going to have skype sex with you, Chanyeol.” Chanyeol pouted in the webcam’s image.

“Why not?” he whined. Kyungsoo grinned; he didn’t like to admit it to Chanyeol, but he did like to hear him whine. Maybe it was something about his deep voice taking on such a silly tone.

“I don’t feel comfortable doing it. But I can text you later instead.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened. “Like, dirty stuff?”

“Oh my god, I take it back. I’m never texting you again.”

Kyungsoo still texted Chanyeol that night despite this promise, including a picture of him wearing one of Chanyeol’s shirts snatched from his apartment the last time Kyungsoo was in town. Well, the shirt wasn’t exactly the focus of the picture—Kyungsoo had it pulled up off his chest, held between his teeth in a way that made his full lips look even prettier. But Chanyeol’s heart swelled at the thought of Kyungsoo wearing it at all. Knowing that Kyungsoo wanted to do something as intimate as sharing clothes made Chanyeol feel giddy. The dirty talk didn’t hurt either.

**

It was just shy of two months together, working around each others’ schedules, when Kyungsoo called Chanyeol with news—he had been offered a job in Seoul and had accepted. He was moving back home in a few weeks. Chanyeol was ecstatic, babbling about how they would get to see each other so much more.

“I’m not moving back for _you_ , it’s for my career” Kyungsoo slyly remarked. Chanyeol laughed and said it didn’t matter, as long as they were together—and anyway, he knew that Kyungsoo was teasing him. The two of them never had lived together and so they agreed that Kyungsoo should move back in with his parents for a while. Kyungsoo was careful by nature and neither of them wanted to rush. That being said, Kyungsoo did spend more and more nights at Chanyeol’s. He had his own toothbrush in the bathroom and some clothes in Chanyeol’s drawers. What made the biggest impact on Chanyeol was when Kyungsoo asked if he could keep some of his plants at Chanyeol’s place.

“I spend more time here anyway. It’s okay right?” Kyungsoo asked even though he had already set up a few potted plants on Chanyeol’s windowsill. Chanyeol laughed and said of course it was fine. He liked the way it made his apartment feel like a shared space, and he liked the warmth he felt in his chest in the mornings when he watched Kyungsoo scuttling around in one of Chanyeol’s shirts as he watered his plants.

**

With August on its way out the days were long and the weather hot. Kyungsoo, having just stepped out of the shower, flopped face down on Chanyeol’s bed with a towel still wrapped around his waist and his hair still damp.

“It’s hot,” he said. His voice was muffled by the mattress. Chanyeol was sitting cross-legged beside him wearing just his boxer briefs, scrolling through his phone. He glanced over at Kyungsoo’s mole-speckled back.

“You’re hot.”

“Shut up.”

“I mean it, though,” Chanyeol said. He reached over Kyungsoo to put his phone on the bedside table. “Like, I always thought you were hot, but when you got out of the car back in June and I saw you in person again? I thought I was gonna lose my mind.”

Kyungsoo grunted into the mattress. Chanyeol laughed and leaned down to kiss the moles on Kyungsoo’s right shoulder. Kyungsoo made a decidedly more pleased noise.

Chanyeol traced the moles scattered down Kyungsoo’s back. Kyungsoo shivered at the light touch. Chanyeol had always thought that Kyungsoo’s moles were so beautiful, and his very favourite was the one hidden just beneath the waistband of Kyungsoo’s pants on his right side, on the swell of his ass. Chanyeol pulled the towel away to rub his thumb over this particular mole and dropped a kiss onto it. Kyungsoo’s breathing had started to get heavy.

“I want to make you feel good. Is it okay?” Chanyeol asked.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo replied breathily, almost a whisper. Kyungsoo turned over onto his back. Chanyeol kissed both of his flushed cheeks before kissing his lips. Kyungsoo pulled Chanyeol down on top of him and kept a firm hold on his waist, arching up to find friction, but Chanyeol was teasing. He smiled while he kept his weight just far enough away from Kyungsoo’s pelvis so the latter groaned in frustration.

Chanyeol nipped at Kyungsoo’s neck and collarbones and even kissed his armpit—Kyungsoo frowned, but then laughed.

“You’re so weird,” he said quietly. Chanyeol beamed at him.

He moved down to kiss Kyungsoo’s tummy, one of his favourite things to do because Kyungsoo was ticklish and would giggle cutely (though he would deny the last part if asked).

“Can I eat you out?” Chanyeol asked. He could tell he was blushing bright red just from saying the words out loud.

“God, yeah, fuck,” Kyungsoo replied.

Since it was his first time doing it Chanyeol’s nerves buzzed; he ghosted his thumb over Kyungsoo’s hole and heard a small intake of breath. He thought of everything that Kyungsoo did to him that made him fall apart. He ran his tongue flat against Kyungsoo’s hole a few times before pushing the tip of his tongue against the rim. The most incredible noises spilled out of Kyungsoo’s mouth, noises that Chanyeol had never heard him make, while he pushed down onto Chanyeol’s mouth. 

Chanyeol knew he was being sloppy and he knew he was unskilled, but it didn’t seem to matter to Kyungsoo. The way he reacted to every one of Chanyeol’s movements encouraged the latter to be bold. He spread Kyungsoo’s cheeks and pressed further.

“Chanyeol...fuck, Chanyeol. Fingers.”

Kyungsoo’s moan sounded wrecked when Chanyeol pulled away to dig through the bedside table for lube. Chanyeol felt heat in his stomach when Kyungsoo said his name desperately—as close to begging as Kyungsoo got.

“It’s okay, hold on, I’ve got you,” Chanyeol rushed to say, slicking his fingers with lube. Kyungsoo let out a sigh of relief when Chanyeol eased his first finger in slowly. After stretching him carefully Chanyeol worked to find Kyungsoo’s prostate with two fingers, and when he was successful Kyungsoo pulled his hair hard enough to make Chanyeol’s eyes water. Chanyeol loved it.

Chanyeol planted sloppy kisses on Kyungsoo’s cock, his inner thighs, while he put rhythmic pressure on Kyungsoo’s prostate just the way he liked. Kyungsoo looked so beautiful when he let himself go like this; his eyes were closed tight, his brows furrowed, and his mouth falling open, pretty lips forming low moans.

When Kyungsoo came he had both of his hands tangled in Chanyeol’s hair. Chanyeol licked Kyungsoo’s stomach clean and carefully removed his fingers, wiped them on Kyungsoo’s discarded towel. Kyungsoo still had his eyes closed but he was relaxed. He smiled blissfully, licked his lips.

“I love you,” he whispered. Chanyeol’s chest felt tight. He barked a laugh for no reason other than to let out the intense emotion he felt.

“I love you too, I love you so much.”

“But I had _just_ showered,” Kyungsoo grumbled.

“Well, I haven’t yet. Let’s go together?”

Kyungsoo only grudgingly got up off the bed when Chanyeol pulled him along to the shower. Sleepy and sated post-orgasm, Kyungsoo spent most of the shower leaning his weight on Chanyeol’s chest. Chanyeol voiced a thought that had been bouncing around his mind for a while:

“What do you think about moving in together?”

**

Two years later the apartment that Chanyeol and Kyungsoo shared was cluttered with instruments and potted plants, set up across windowsills and hanging from the ceiling. There were photos on shelves and on walls of the two of them: some embarrassing ones from when they first dated in university, Chanyeol’s auburn head resting on Kyungsoo’s shoulder; more, though, from after they got back together. One picture of Kyungsoo posing beside Canada’s tallest red cedar that was taken during their vacation to British Columbia (Kyungsoo joked that the tree reminded him of Chanyeol). One of Kyungsoo smiling so bright as Chanyeol sang him the song he wrote for his birthday.

The apartment had a bathtub that they shared sometimes even though Chanyeol complained because his legs didn’t fit. Still, when Kyungsoo washed his hair Chanyeol’s eyes fell closed and he grinned. Kyungsoo dreamt of having a beautiful claw foot tub one day, but Chanyeol only laughed and said he probably still wouldn’t fit in it.

Chanyeol would put on old records when he cooked, singing along. Kyungsoo read on the couch, looking over every now and then to smile at Chanyeol’s tall, bow-legged form in the tiny kitchen (he said one day they would have a beautiful kitchen, too). When Kyungsoo cooked he also sang. They sang together sometimes, or else Chanyeol would accompany Kyungsoo on the piano or guitar.

Chanyeol was happy. He was grateful for his and Kyungsoo’s history, even the messy bits, because it had all lead to their life together. Maybe their lives were like the roots of an old tree; they crossed, parted, and met again, beautifully intertwined in each other.

**Author's Note:**

> emotions are hard. I’ve never been to Korea, any locations/descriptions were just researched so I hope it’s okay.
> 
> tyler, thanks for being patient! Ash i love you! thanks for reading!!


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